The Mother in Me

Ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed about becoming a "mommy." My favorite toys were always my babydolls and stuffed animals. When it would rain outside I would dress them in pajamas and wrap them snuggly into soft blankets. I would hold them close to me and tell them "don't be afraid, Mommy is here. " I would line them up, side by side, along my bed. I did everything I could to make sure they were safe and warm. They were my "babies."

Now I am a {real} Mommy.

I BELIEVE with all my heart that God chose me to be your mommy, Christian.

We have been through a lot, me and you, and this is just the beginning.

You are such an amazing kid, Christian. You are changing every day. I am so proud of you, darling boy! The mother in me wants time to pass slowly so that you stay my "little boy" longer (even though I KNOW this is not an option).

Being YOUR mom has been quite the learning experience so far.

You have taught me that cheerios, fishy crackers, and peanut butter crunch all taste better when eaten directly off the floor. The mother in me realized that this was a battle I was bound to lose and therefore does her best to keep the floor as clean as possible........but still..... (cringe).

I have learned that it is OKAY for you to be messy. This is how you learn to do things on your own. The mother in me has issues with this, but I am doing better. I just stand ready with a hot wash cloth in hand when your done doing your thing.

I have learned that being a mom means that you always have to do what is best for your child. Even if it means painful shots, trach changes, suctioning, saline drops, surgeries, foot sensors, and mist collars.

It all gets done because it HAS to BE DONE, my sweet child. It is MY job to be strong, stay calm, and take care of you.

The mother in me wants to take away any discomfort and pain that will ever come your way. I would gladly bare it all for you if I could. Just know that when you hurt, I hurt. My heart is linked directly to yours.

Those are just a few of the many things you have helped teach me Christian.

The list goes on and on.

This Mother's Day I want you to know that I am so very proud to be your mommy. You are such a blessing!

This is a picture of me holding you for the FIRST time. I held you close to me, wrapped snuggly in a soft blanket, and I whispered in your tiny ear "don't be afraid, Mommy is here."

I LOVE YOU