Working on "ME"

So I have started a journey towards working on a better "ME." Honestly, it seems like I have been going down this same road all my life but with only one foot heading in the right direction. I can count the times that I have felt comfortable in my own skin on one hand, and still have fingers to spare. This is something that I am not proud to say. And yet, I have never been the type of person who can stay disciplined long enough to really do anything about it either.


Why am I so hard on myself? Do I really believe that the size of jeans I wear determines the type of person I am? Is everyone I pass in the grocery store really zeroing in on my every flaw? Even typing out these questions seem so ridiculous!! The sad part is that ALL of the women in my life have felt something similar to those feelings. I am talking about extraordinary, beautiful, caring, funny, talented and graceful women. When words like that come out of their mouths all I can think is "Are you kidding me???How can you not see how FABULOUS you are????" The truth is that society has posted a description of what equals beauty and we as women are constantly reminded that we just don't quite fit the mold. How crazy is that?



I am about to turn 29 this month and if there is one thing I have learned in my 29 years is that true beauty is not something to be seen. Beauty is my son caressing my face as he is about to fall asleep. It is my husband laughing at me being my "silly-self" because he truly "gets me". Beauty is staying up till midnight with a friend drinking iced tea and talking, talking, talking. It is the way my parents look at my son. It's the changing of the way the air feels in the morning when Fall is upon us. Beauty is holding hands just because. It is the phone call from an old friend. Beauty is hearing a child laugh. It is the quietness of a new fallen snow. Beauty is watching my grandparents hold hands because they are still in love after all these years. It is the sound of waves crashing, rain pouring, and birds chirping. Beauty is feeling God's love in your most desperate of times. The list could go on and on and every one's list is unique to themselves. My point is that beauty is everywhere. It is in ME and it is in YOU.

I am making changes in my life to feel better about being me. This starts with realizing that there is nothing wrong with me the way I am, right this very minute. God made me who I am and He thinks I am perfect.

So a few weeks ago I decided that I would change my lifestyle and start preparing meals that are healthy for me and my family. I wanted to take control over what I put into my body because I really do feel better when I eat better. I still allow myself to enjoy the really good foods too, only in moderation. I am doing my best to eliminate the word "DIET" from my vocabulary. I have started working out with Jason in the evenings and it is actually quite fun. It is wonderful that we are able to work out together. We put Christian downstairs with us in his exersaucer and so it has become a family event. I can tell you that I am sore from lifting weights and it makes me feel empowered. I am making positive changes and I can feel it. I am working towards a better ME. Not because I want to fit into the mold that society thinks I should, but because I want to be around to experience all of the real beauty that the world has to offer. It is my hope that by choosing to live a healthier lifestyle I am doing the best I can to ensure that I stick around a little longer. I have definitely made the decision to quit beating myself up over little things that don't even matter. I embrace myself fully and acknowledge all the beauty that is ME. I am choosing to love myself just the way I am, and by finally coming to the point in my life where I can honestly say that (and mean it), I am now fully aware of just how much I want to take really good care of myself! It took me a long time to get here but I now have both feet on the right path.